The holidays can certainly present many challenges and this year we've another twist to contend with.  We are charged with the task of making decisions that will protect our health, and that of others, by following COVID-19 safety guidelines and recommendations. We'll wear masks and stay out of stores, no Christmas parties, no dining out with friends, no time spent with relatives...and it will be sad for many and much more than sad for many others. 
For those who already suffer from anxiety/depression, COVID has brought these symptoms to a new level. Christmas/Hanukkah celebrations in general have created anxious feelings pre-COVID,  so where is the common thread?  Anxiety is created when we set expectations ie:  Expectations for how another will respond, for how fun an event will be, for how lovely a family gathering will turn out, etc.  Expectations influence the advent of anxiety in three ways: 1) we spend thoughts and time reviewing expectation to exhaustion,  2) we try to control all of the outcomes in our expectations even though most are not in our control, 3) we play the 'what if' scenarios over and over again to try to anticipate every possible thing that could go wrong. In the end, things unfold as they do and we are both anxious and disappointed. 
How can we avoid this? 
1) Manage expectations...keep it real. Try not to anticipate huge merry holiday events that are likely not going to take place this year. Recognize that our own expectations will create anxiety. 
2) Acknowledge that 2020 is less than perfect...make peace with COVID, it's here ( and it will be temporary )Making believe life hasn't changed helps no-one . 
3) Honor your soul...Do only what you feel like doing this year and know that it's okay not to feel the same way you've felt in anticipation of holidays past. If you don't feel like decorating;  don't ( or do 'just enough' ). If you don't feel like making a big meal, or baking;  don't. In short, don't force what isn't really there for you this year ( next year will be better ) 

This year, instead of aiming for super Merry & Bright, aim for Calm & Acceptable and hang on the hope that changes are coming for next year. Think of it as a gift to yourself. 

Be safe & Be Peaceful
Karen

​Karen J Fluet Roy, LMHC, NCC, BSN RN

Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit in?  Maybe you have difficulty reading the emotions of others, or feel you have no emotional response in certain situations?  Sometimes overreact? Sometimes feel empty?  Do you ask your self " Is there more to life? " 

As an adult, have you wondered why you never quite 'feel' anything?  Sometimes feel empty/hollow/numb? Do you question why others seem to be more fulfilled?  Why are you like that? How did you get there? There may be answers. 

Emotional responses are learned very early in life. If you grew up in a home void of emotion, or filled with raging emotions, it may have been difficult to know what a 'normal' response is. Childhood Emotional Neglect, either by passive disregard or active invalidation plays a role in a child's ability to process and develop emotions. The way you were raised, the emotional intellect of your parents, and how they responded to you can help to explain the disconnect in adulthood.
Why is it important to look back at that? 
All of life's memorable moments are the ones that involve an emotional response ; joy, love, courage, fear, self-control, pride, self-esteem, sadness, cooperation, guilt....
We remember events, situations, and people, because we attach an emotion to them.  The emotions make us passionate and whole and make memories worth keeping. 
It's not likely that you are  'emotionless'.  Understanding why you respond the way you do ( or don't ) can be beneficial, but it doesn't end there. 
Safe to say, once we know what no longer serves us emotionally, where it came from, and how it has affected our lives, we can move to re-learning what we missed out on from the beginning.  Life gives us second chances and it's never too late. 

Stay well, Be peaceful
​KarenJ Fluet Roy, LMHC, NCC, BSN RN

In these trying times of the COVID pandemic, civil unrest, political divisiveness, economic uncertainty, health worries, we've much to be stressed about. We're all in this together. No one is immune to the feelings of worry and sadness. We do, however, respond to stress differently and we all have different ways of dealing with stressful events.  
Trying to manage stress is infinitely better than avoiding issues as they arise, hiding from less than happy news, or creating more stress for others. 
Stay healthy by staying peaceful. 
Remember that stress increases for various reasons , 1) we expect something to happen that doesn't ,  2) we try to 'fix' things that we aren't skilled to fix, 3) we don't learn to accept and make peace with the things we cannot resolve on our own, and 4)we don't stay physically healthy.
How can we apply this to these times of COVID? 
1) Live day to day and follow the advice of the professionals. The virus is here and will be with us for awhile. We cannot expect nor rely on a magic cure, an effective vaccine overnight, or for it to be wished away. Listen to the medical professionals who are truthful in what we can expect.  
2) We can't make the virus go away, but we have lots in our own power to help stay safe...masks, hand washing, social distancing, limiting social contact in public places.
3) We can be angry that the virus is here, has taken a loved one, has closed our place of employment, has isolated us from our friends ...or we can accept that we have no choice but to live through this, stay positive, stay safe, keep others safe. Anger serves no purpose but to wear on emotions and result in being overwhelmed. 
4) Staying physically healthy is important to boosting your mental health as well. Get enough sleep, stay on a daily schedule for rest and exercise. Eat healthy foods. WALK! Walking on quiet side streets with a mask handy will increase endorphins and boost your spirit. It will also help you get a better nights rest. No gym involved...free. 

Practice looking for the positive and for solutions in each situation instead of dwelling on the negative.  Acknowledge that you are worthy of great self care and implement a few things that point you towards wellness. Above all, congratulate yourself for 'muddling through' so far...

Be well.

Imagine you are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. AUGH !!!!
​Why did you spill the coffee? 
"Because someone bumped into me!!!"
Wrong answer.
You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. 
Had there been tea in your cup, you would have spilled tea.
Whatever is inside your cup is what will spill out.
When life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.
Ask yourself... “what's in my cup?"
When life gets tough, what spills over?
Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? 
Anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions? 
Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it. 
Just for today,  work towards filling your cup with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation; and kindness, gentleness and love for others.

Without doubt, it's tough to find positives in these scary times of COVID. It's tough to stay calm, to be patient, to isolate, to be grateful or peaceful. Many of these won't come naturally, but they are available to you with a bit of effort. Make that effort. Fill your cup with wellness and allow that to spill out. You're worth it. 


Karen J Fluet Roy, LMHC, BSN RN, NCC
( the analogy was something borrowed from one I've heard in the past. It holds true. I thought I would share it with you. Be safe. ) 

​